dealing with a two year old

i currently would benefit from going on a strict diet for health reasons but i can't bring myself to start because i also need comfort food looking after little children. maybe i'll always find a reason to NEED comfort food but right now the kids feel exhausting to me and require a lot of deep-breathing - and cake eating.

Little Miss M screams - she can utter the most high-pitched shrill scream when she doesn't get her way. what have i done wrong? how can i get her to stop? on bad days she screeches and whines so much i want to shake her. its like a drill in the head and the nervous system! as my husband said it is like sandpaper on the brain. i will hold my hands up - i always looked down on people with ferrel children. i didn't realise i would have one. some days little Miss M's hair is dreadlocked and wild and she wont let me near it (even for chocolate!) and she screams and writhes when something goes wrong. she screeched at the top of her lungs in the supermarket a few days ago - writhing in the trolley with pen all over her face.

on days like today i don't want to be around anyone because i am embarrassed by her behaviour. i know how i used to view children who behaved like that and i'd rather not be around others who might be thinking the same. close friends are fine, new friends not. i know they are probably far more generous-hearted than i ever was and feel only compassion for me and understanding for Little Miss M but i do wonder and i wonder if they don't want their child influenced by M's passionate behaviour! i feel uncomfortable and self-conscious and aware of their alarmed looks..  i'm glad she's passionate - it will stand her in good stead in the long run but man it is tiring right now. she is sick with a terrible cold and cough and i have to remember at these times that she can also have very angelic days when healthy and well-rested. but we've had a string of difficult days recently and its wearing me down. 

i have been attending a parenting course at a local church. another mother said to me recently "i don't know why you are doing this course - your daughter is the best behaved child i have EVER met!" i did feel some pride well up in me (of course) and i realised she can be a delight - very responsive and obedient. i also thought - you have no idea!!

her screaming and whining and crying this week has been hugely exacerbated by her being ill. i feel so bad when i have spent two days being really impatient and spending time analysing whether is it my fault my child a.) is miserable and cross and b.) is badly behaved and impossible to discipline, c.) wont eat her food!! ... it then dawns on me that they are actually really ill... as their hacking cough comes to the surface and keeps us all awake all night and their nose properly starts to stream. those two days of impatient mummy dragging them on playdates and to ballet classes and up to London for the day - were probably when they felt totally exhausted and headachey and sore throatey - like we all do when we are coming down with something nasty.... poor little girl.

so for a little comfort for mother's of two year olds.. or as someone said to me "the terrible twos might be bad but just wait for the F_ing fours!"

this is the best banana bread recipe in the world. it comes from the beautiful book Apples for Jam by Tessa Kiros and is an all-time favourite of mine.

gather: 

125g butter
180g dark brown sugar
350g (3 or 4) bananas, mashed
2 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
250g/ 2 cups plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
3 tbsp warm milk
optional - i made two loaves and added chopped almonds and chopped dried apricots to one

1. preheat the oven to 180C and butter a loaf tin
2. cream the butter and sugar and stir in the bananas

3. add the eggs, vanilla, cinnamon and pinch of salt and mix
4. mix the baking soda in to the milk and stir in to the batter
5. pour mix in to the tin and bake for 50mins or until brown and crusty on top and cooked through. do not overcook as you want the loaf to be moist.

sometimes i double the recipe to make a few loaves for the freezer. i add some nuts and dried fruit to some loaves.