grogginess

yesterday i felt intensely groggy, tired and unmotivated and wanted to eat and eat - i did not want to face tidying and cleaning a messy dirty house and looking after a sick two-year old.

i think i felt like this beacuse a.)the kids are waking before 6am - grr! b.) i am anticipating starting a really strict detox diet (once i have gathered enough ingredients, over-priced Holland& Barrett pills, motivation and self-control) to improve my skin, hormonal balance, mood, vitality - in fear of this i want to eat and eat! c.) i have been looking after a sick two year old and a very tired four year old and wondered by the end of friday whether i had lost all control of my kids and where i had gone wrong as a mother as they both yelled at me. i was sure no-one else's kids behaved this badly - had i set a terrible example to them or are they just typical two and four year olds and i'm setting my standards too high? sam says i have to get over the self-blame because it's not helping anyone and it's not true. he is right but i have to convince my gut of that and switch off the chiding voices in my head.

so in my groggy avoiding state sam said he had to go in to london to collect something from his office - he had some spare free train tickets - why didnt i and little Miss M go with him? i jumped at the idea. we spent from 11am until 3pm travelling in to london and back with no time to stop - train, bus, grab a take-away sandwich, taxi, train. little Miss M was an angel - bundled up warm and resting most of the day... or chatting with strangers on the train. weird and strangely enjoyable to spend a whole day riding public transport... one way to avoid getting on with anything productive. it was nice to be with an adult all day too... and a lovely one at that.

here's a comforting carbonara which will probably only add to the grogginess.. but man it is easy to make and does it taste good.

gather:
tagliatelle for two
1 clove garlic (chopped finely)
3 slices bacon (chopped in to small pieces)
1 oz grated cheddar and parmesan
1 egg
1 tbsp cream

1. boil up some tagliatelle 
3. fry up the bacon and the garlic
4. whisk together the grated cheese, eggs and cream
5. season with pepper
6. when the pasta is cooked, drain it and return to the hot pan. pour the egg mixture plus the bacon over the pasta and slowly stir it.