Sunday, 21 October 2012

the illusion of the butt-crack

so the bane of my life is low-cut jeans. i love them and i wear them but having become a mum i am permanently bending over - and generally with my arms full, a child crying, another child trying to escape my grasp and some combination of poo, wee, snot or vomit covering me or a child... and we're in central london... running late for a very important engagement... outside a fancy hotel that we have just hurtled in and out of to grab some napkins for the aforementioned bodily fluid disaster. now is not the time for me to be worrying about my trousers sliding down my back and my bum and knickers showing. i am painfully aware that i'm on full display but i can not possibly move or free up a hand to heave my trousers up & over my love handles. this also seems to happen when i am at the front of church or at a new toddler group... or at a kids party where i don't know anyone. 
sometimes when my trousers ride down i get the happy feeling that 'oh my trousers feel loose i must have lost some weight' and then i realise that this is an evil illusion and that in fact i bought them yesterday from Primark and they have already lost all shape and ability to stay on my body - going from tight and sexy to baggy and bum-showing within 6 hours of wearing. why do i fall for it every time?

here's a dangerously easy recipe that will help to refill those now baggy trousers

flapjack heaven

1. preheat oven to 180C ans line a small baking dish with parchment paper
2. in a saucepan melt 200g of butter with 100ml golden syrup

3. measure out 350g of oats and a pinch of salt
4. pour the butter & syrup over the oats and stir well

4a. optional - add any extra bits (i like chopped apricots & almonds, pumpkin and sunflower seeds) and 3 extra large tablespoons golden syrup to hold the bits in

5. pat the mixture down in to the baking dish
6. bake for 30 mins and then allow to cool before cutting in to squares
7. see if you can eat less than three in quick succession


  1. Haha this did make me laugh, it is always the way!

  2. I love the same type of jeans - so now I wear a long vest under my t'shirts - I pull it down and it saves pulling up my jeans and is quicker than the full on jeans hoist.

    1. really good idea. i'm ging to invest in some long vests. i got some from Primark but they shrunk pretty quickly. might need to spend a bit more and get some good quality ones.

  3. I've discovered the joy of mid-rise jeans. They go just above the muffin top, but aren't "Mom jeans" as in the ones on the Saturday night live skit! I think they are really flattering and save the old arse from hangin' out!

  4. I'm going on a Golden syrup spree this week. It's hard to find here but a British food shop just opened up and I called them up and told them how desperate I was to make flap jacks! They said they had tons of Golden Syrup but I could only buy some if I promised to bring them some flap jacks!

  5. The shop is called 'Jolly Posh'. Ha!


thank you. i love your comments x