Thursday, 16 February 2012

internal mother whip

I just came across this poem on my friend Rachel's blog:

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd build self esteem first, and the house later.
I'd fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd see the oak tree in the acorn more often.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd model less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

This made me cry. Why is it so hard to feel like an awesome mother? Some days I do. But too often the stuff of this poem plays on my mind and can fill me with guilt - the internal mother whip that we can too easily lash ourselves with. I don't want my mothering to be guilt-driven and all about me. So I'm hoping this poem can be - not a slap on the wrist, but new inspiration for tomorrow and the next day... Thank you Rach.

And here is something to make you laugh from our local pet shop. Laughter never fails to inspire and dilute stress 


  1. This is a great poem and your comments so resonate. I think any mom who cares worries about these things, and using the poem as inspiration vs. the lash is so right on. You can't change the past, but you can do something about the future! Thanks.

  2. Oh, it made me cry too! I think when you're in the thick of it you're trying so hard to survive that even little things send you over the edge. It is good to be reminded of the 'big picture'. But in reality sometimes when you do loosen up and have a real play and stop looking at the time...suddenly it's late and you have to do a quick dinner with a complaining, hungry child (or children) who then won't eat because you missed the precious 'hunger window', and then the evening descends into tears and battles and by the time they're asleep and everything is calm again you wonder if it was really worth it for a few minutes of fun...

    (can you tell I'm finding my 3-year-old a challenge at the moment?!)


thank you. i love your comments x